3 May 2017

April?? Has anyone seen April??

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Gosh. I sat down this morning to write my weekly to-do list and realised that April has been and gone. Whoosh. There it went. It's been ages since I've written anything for the blog, I thought, I'll just log on and play around and see if I can solve this writer's block, no pressure...and lo, nothing on here for the whole of April either.

That's quite scary really. I knew I felt busy and stressed and low and a bit restless... I didn't realise I had been feeling this way for a month. A whole month.

What happened in April? Let's see...

I turned 34. This is fine. This is not scary. 36 is my scary, grown up, got to have my shit together age. I have time. It's all good. Birthday dinner here was delish.

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Toddler turned 3. This has thrown me more than I thought. Bye bye, baby. When Boy turned three I had a baby in my arms. This time, no baby and no positive pregnancy tests, either. Huh.

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BFF and I finally met up for coffee after having what some might call a passionate disagreement. I call it a fucking car wreck. Of course, we were both apologetic and emotional and heartbroken and conciliatory...but I think we both know that our friendship has been altered irretrievably by outside forces and now we're in foreign waters, both still incredibly hurt yet too polite and tired to bring it up again. So we're currently navigating our way through...I wonder what it will look like in the end?

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Dear Friend in Crisis continues to flip flop from one heart-wrenching issue to the next, all the while desperately trying to cling onto some semblance of normality and unintentionally hurting those close to her along the way. This is no fun, either. Husband is getting frustrated. He says I am getting hurt and therefore should take a step back. How can you distance yourself from a loved one in pain through no fault of her own? Am damned if I know...

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I took the boys to Stoke to meet up with Nana, Auntie, Uncle and Niece on the anniversary of Dad's death. That was a pile of shit. Not Stoke, Stoke was surprisingly lovely (do visit here if you get chance, kids really enjoyed it) but the day itself.

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We visited Wrexham with Posh Mama and her daughter which was lots of fun. Go here if you need somewhere for crazy-ass kids to run wild where they're actually allowed to TOUCH things!

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We went to Centre Parcs for the week with Nana which was epic. Nothing else to say about that, other than I want to book to go back already!!

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So yeah, April has been and gone. So long, April!!

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Will make more of an effort in May. With everything. Have started jumping out of bed half an hour earlier in order to a) drink some coffee in quiet and b) put some makeup on before the school run. Have been out this morning and bought a juicer/blender thing and a new recipe book. Have convinced Husband to rip out yet more of the dysfunctional and annoying kitchen. I am taking back control.

Hope everyone is well and has lovely plans for this month?? If all goes well and we sell enough tickets by Friday, we'll be madly planning the school ball next week, eeshk!

See you all on Friday, friends. Enjoy the sunshine x

31 March 2017

Wonderful book for little ones

Am always on the look out for meaningful bedtime story books, nothing so heavy that they can't sleep, but just enough insight and thought to mean that they drift off to sleep thinking 'huh, I could do that / be that / change that...' You know, just little nuggets of positivity and kindness to seep into their brains while they doze ;-)

Always loved the book Wonder, alas it is too old for my boys who are only 5 and 2. BUT the genius people at Penguin Random House have created this version...


The unforgettable bestseller Wonder, soon to be a major motion piction, has inspired a nationwide movement to Choose Kind. Now parents and educators can introduce the importance of choosing kind to younger readers with this gorgeous picture book, featuring Auggie and Daisy on an original adventure, written and illustrated by R. J. Palacio.

...and it arrived yesterday! The pictures are just lovely, the story has been changed (obviously) into a much 'younger' and shorter version but the overarching message is the same and the main characters have the same names. Essentially, the message is that we are all different, but the same. It encourages young readers to change the way they see people. And I really like that, when they're older, my boys will now be able to read the original version of the book and recognise the characters...

Get your copy here or at a local book store near you, it's really a great read. Enjoy!

22 March 2017

Holy smokes

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It doesn't happen often, thank Christ, but every so often I have an afternoon that looks like pure chaos. Thought you'd enjoy a play by play account...

***Warning: if you don't have children yet and are thinking of adding them to your unit any time soon you may want to walk away immediately, we'll see you Friday instead!

4.15pm Walk through door from school run, everyone is happy and relaxed, the sun is shining, then out of nowhere Boy gives me a mouthful of cheek and attitude so this Mama immediately removes his screen privileges (and yes, as the words are leaving my mouth I'm already regretting them but once you've said it you have to commit...fuck!)

4.18pm Whilst Boy angrily flings his belongings into his cubby hole for tomorrow morning, lecturing me on the unfairness of my decision and my general failings as a parent, Toddler decides to practise his 'spinning' in the boot room, happily spins into a full water bowl and spills the entire contents onto the floor. Whereas normally he would apologise and grab a towel, he looks up and me, shrugs and walks out of the room. Shrieking follows (mine!)...and I have to use a bath towel to soak up the flood.

4.26pm Make a post-school snack and dogs start play-fighting at my feet. This is loud but fine...until Dog turns around, snarls at Puppy and Puppy promptly pisses all over the floor! Excellent. Second bath towel gets grabbed for piss-gate.

4.35pm Both boys now colouring at table and angrily eating their snack. Dog has stolen my slipper so am (half) barefoot and getting cold feet. Starting to get a bit cross now!

4.40pm Walk into kitchen to make a coffee. Walk back and Toddler is drawing a circle on the wooden floor with an orange felt tipped pen???!!! Toddler is carried upstairs for time out. Floor is cleaned (thank you baby wipes)

5pm Decide that the ungrateful, messy little bastards can go straight in the bath and then throw their jammies on, meaning that they will be in bed ON TIME (the dream) Husband rings from London while they are in bath but I can't hear him so cut him off and also, I realise there are no more bath towels downstairs. They take full advantage of me racing upstairs to grab some and flood the fucking bathroom floor with a water fight. As I'm racing back DOWN the stairs to them, Toddler climbs out of the bath (why you so slow, Mama??), slips on the wet floor and bumps his head. So he's crying, I'm shrieking about the fact that now a SECOND room in our home is under an inch of water and Boy pipes up with 'excuse me, but I'm getting cold here...!' I make them mop up floor with kitchen roll. Their naked bums bobbing up and down during this household chore is literally the only highlight of my entire afternoon!

5.30pm Serve them both scrambled egg on toast (benefit of Husband being away, I don't have to cook a proper dinner!) Sit opposite them at kitchen table, glaring angrily. Boy glares back. Toddler happily oblivious and keeps blowing me kisses and asking what day it is (his latest favourite question)

5.55pm Make them clear their dinner plates and wipe down the table. Wipe table second time properly. Realise I have 50 mins to fill before bed without TV. Balls. This would be fine on a good day, but after the afternoon I've just had this makes me want to weep. Consider telling them that they did such a good job wiping down the table that they've earned their screen time back...but then remember that Toddler is a little terrorist and any sign of weakness will bite me in the ass for weeks so make them choose a pile of books and hunker down for the long haul. Parenting. It ain't for the weak!

6.30pm Husband Facetimes from London to proudly announce that he's a hero who has raided the Lego store (he's only been gone 48 hours and we're drowning in bloody Lego but yay). Boy delighted. Mama has to be the bitch who says 'well, actually Daddy...' and inform him of the many, many bad choices that have been made here today. Boy goes back to glaring at me. Excellent. I quickly redirect my anger at Husband for a) not being here and b) being such a tool. He gets cut off again!

6.45pm All head upstairs, brush teeth, visit the toilet, say our prayers, tuck them in and retreat. Action packed, emotionally taxing afternoon has exhausted them too, it would appear, and they are zonko within minutes.

7.15pm All is quiet on the western front. Take dogs outside for a wee. Pour myself a large vodka and tonic. Stand at the back door and wonder if a third child is really the way to go...

20 March 2017

Things I have learned...

...this month and felt I should pass on!

Have been looking high and low for a yoga retreat fairly nearby that doesn't cost the same as 10 days abroad and have stumbled across a place in Staffordshire that only costs £99 for the day (I say 'only', but most of the ones I've looked at have been 3 if not 4 times that...) 

Check out the website for 'Yoga with Claudia' here if you're in the market for a day of yoga and relaxation...but don't fill up her retreats before I've booked or I shall be annoyed!

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The Boden sale went live yesterday and there's some good stuff in it. Have a quick look here... 
I used discount code J5Z6 for free delivery and ordered these jeans...


Available here for £54

Because I wanted these ones from MiH...

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...but couldn't justify £265! So we'll see how they look when they arrive.

The incredible Dukes have got a £30 voucher code on their women's boots...the relaxed Chelsea boots are to die for! 

Ruby handmade chelsea boot for women by Dukes

Get yours here and use the code MUMSTHEWORD (this is the colour I have and I LOVE THEM but possibly size up if you're between sizes?? Mine are snug)

I think that's it news wise... so here's some photos from this week. The fog is starting to lift on my funk and little chinks of sunshine are getting through. Which is just as well really as Husband has gone to London for 3 nights. It's the first time he's been away with work since Puppy came home...breakfast this morning was a bit of a juggling act!! 


This was pictured on the yoga retreat booking form this morning. Sent it to Good Friend in Chaos. It is so true!


It cheered her up so much she did some bird-watching!! (This was after a much-needed coffee and giggle after the school run today)


Puppy likes to sleep upside down...


...and he's also started teething. Boys are both fascinated. I am just wailing at how fast he is growing up. Boo!


Toddler had a party on Saturday and was gifted this mask and cloak as a party favour. He wore it all afternoon and most of Sunday. So cute!


Boy was invited along too as company for the child's older brother. Here are my darlings enjoying the world's slowest donkey ride EVER!!


And here's my latest aim. I might not be truly at peace OR in touch with myself just yet, but I really want to be unfuckwithable when it comes to drama!! I'd print it out and post it on the fridge but I'm worried Boy will sound it out and repeat it at school!


Hope you've all had a good Monday, friends. Think of me tomorrow morning, basically as long as noone pees on the kitchen floor while I'm making porridge I'll be winning at life ;-)

15 March 2017

Middle aged women acting like teenage girls...


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AAAARRGGHHHHH I've said it before and I'll no doubt have to say it again before I die, social media is such an incredible platform for women building each other up in innumerable ways BUT unfortunately it is also the cause of such ridiculous aggro that a grown woman will stop you on the school run to ask why you no longer 'like' her posts in a tone of voice that implies you've casually suggested sacrificing her hellish spawn to Satan. 

This is life in the shire, kids. Get out while you still can!

* Disclaimer: I actually think the mums at our school could learn a lot from teenage girls. Maybe we should stage an intervention...??