I never think the anniversary of losing Dad is going to be a big deal. Every year I figure, it's pretty shit every day so why would one particular day be any harder than the rest? But then, February 14th rolls around (the day we had a terminal diagnosis) and instead of gazing on red roses and feeling all loved up and cozy I start descending into this weird little funk.
It starts slow. Little things annoy me. Insignificant things make me cry. Small things take up all the effort. And by the time April 12th comes around eight weeks later, I'm so tired of feeling sad that I don't actually want to go out and spend the day with our family (which is what we do each year) I'd really rather just hide under the duvet for 12 hours and be on my own. Which isn't an option and wouldn't be wise! #uglycryface
So yesterday, four years to the day, I managed to get up, get out, spend a day with everyone at Beeston Castle and just generally be 'distracted' from a crappy anniversary. It was fine, no tears, just family and a big hill to climb followed by a picnic and some hot drinks.
But today has been a lovely day. This morning, we finally laid the memorial stone for Dad at our church. No-one from our family attends there regularly, but when Husband and I were planning our wedding I took one look at the huge church in the centre of town and had a panic attack so we opted to tie the knot at the much smaller church on the outskirts. Therefore, it will forever more be known as 'our church'. It's the church I got married at on a sunny day in May eight years ago, it's the church my boys were christened at, the vicar is a great guy called Steve who is the most relaxed, approachable, kind person I've ever known... when we were deciding on a place for the stone to go, Chetwynd just made sense. (Nana could have decided for the stone to be placed at her own church in Lichfield but very kindly conceded that it be somewhere closer for the boys and Niece to visit as and when they wish)
(Memorial stone. It only took 4.5 months to get organised!!)
After we'd been to church, we nipped into Waitrose for some essentials (and got attitude from afore-mentioned old man, grr!) and then came home. The earlier fog has burned off and the garden is actually quite warm. Cue three cousins racing around like lunatics before lunch and Niece having to go home to Liverpool.
Tomorrow is back to school day. Need to iron some shirts, find some shorts, set the alarm clocks, fill the coffee machine...grab some Kleenex! Can't bear to think about it.
Am off to soak up the last few hours of Boy time before the world's longest term known to man (12.5 weeks!! We were spoiled by Easter coming so early!!) Happy Wednesday, everyone!