11 October 2016

A bad day

I miss you juicy everyday my brotha. Life's been real tough since you've left. See you soon:

I feel blue. I am tired after a really busy couple of days, Husband has been working late again and I am hormonal / emotional. Usually, I'd sink into a deep, hot bubble bath with a large G&T before heading to bed to wake up happier. But today, I can't shake the funk.

Husband's dad offered to drive him to a work social last night and at 6.30 he pulled up outside our house. He sat in the car outside, waiting for Husband to go out and jump in his car. He didn't park up, knock the door, scoop up his grandsons, offer to read them a story even though it might mean Husband would be late for his clients. He didn't tuck them in, kiss their foreheads or share their bedtime prayers. Come to think of it, I'm not even sure Husband's dad knows what my sons' bedroom looks like.

I feel cheated without my Dad. I feel it every day, when I need to ask his advice, witness something hilarious I know he would have enjoyed or even when I see someone wearing a hat like he used to. But it's a whole new level of cruelty, seeing your children cheated out of something so precious. 

I get so incredibly angry at the slack attitude of Husband's father. WHY doesn't he care more? WHY doesn't he love them enough? He should be DESPERATE to spend time with my children... Every little thing he does (or doesn't bloody do) is scrutinised and held up to the unobtainable standards of a man no longer with us. The guy can't win. And maybe it's better that he's so detached and so uncaring. Maybe a grandfather that doted on them the way mine would have would be just to cruel to watch?

The boys are lucky. They are surrounded by people who love them; Husband and I have worked hard to ensure that our 'family' is large and loyal. I guess sometimes, it's just pretty noticeable that a key player is missing.

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