21 January 2015

A recap…for starters

A relatively productive day in the suburbs. I do wonder about my life when my definition of ‘productive’ is essentially ‘no-one exploded shit up their back and the toddler ate at least a third of his dinner without proclaiming it to be akin to anthrax’.

Tomorrow will be busy. Again, things are a little fuzzy here. Whereas ten years ago ‘busy’ would have meant several thought-provoking seminars, a leisurely lunch with girlfriends, shopping for a new outfit, a long hot shower and then taking forever getting ready for a hot date, tomorrow it will consist of grocery shopping with two small children and returning a pair of chinos to the Gap as they do not meet Husband’s stringent vetting process (namely: have my existing pair completely and utterly disintegrated and were these new ones less than £6? No and no? Then I don’t want them!)
Yesterday’s impulse purchase was nearly a golden labrador puppy. Oddly, despite never being allowed to pee in peace, it’s really quite lonely being a stay-at-home mama. It makes you do crazy things like spend the equivalent of a mortgage payment on zulily and randomly decide one day that what your family really needs is another dog. You then spend countless hours convincing yourself of all the reasons this is a good idea (this is good practise for when your husband arrives home and inevitably greets your life-changing announcement with a hearty ‘Not a fucking chance!’ and you proceed to have a massive row about it, even though you secretly have decided it may well be a bit of a daft notion.)
Needless to say I came to my senses this morning when I read the breeder’s reply email over my first cup of coffee and realised that essentially I’d be paying £700 for someone to wake me up every 90 mins at night and piss on my carpets for fun. Now, I may have successfully toilet-trained one toddler and one dog but already have another baby waiting in the wings who will eventually need to stop wearing Pampers (damn it!) and at the moment he’s happily sleeping 12 hours…was I temporarily insane?! Operation Labrador Puppy: ABORTED!
I wonder what I will need to buy tomorrow…?

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