21 January 2015

And now turn 180’

This post is mainly about how much I hate being home all day every day. The novelty factor has officially worn off. Wednesday was a one-off, yesterday was pushing it and now today I am almost insane with cabin fever. Toddler woke up at 7.30am with a raging temperature, very cuddly and asking for calpol. This kinda ruined our plans of soft play and lunch with the BFFs. Instead it was Lion King (again!! Curse the day I put that in my trolley!!) before 8am and so far we’re up to 4hours inside. I went to the bin earlier for kicks. 

The only other observation I have is what a crappy friend I am. Not in a tangible way. But in a dishonest, sly way. Had a girlfriend over yesterday afternoon/evening and found myself buzzing around her tidying and cleaning and folding laundry and being supermom all whilst chatting and drinking coffee while the boys played…this was all brilliant for my general mood as I get a lot from small accomplishments throughout the day. But after she left and the boys were in bed I thought, that was a bit crappy of me. I totally put on a front, to give a good impression of a domestic goddess when 9 times out of ten husband loads the dishwasher when he gets in. I also felt a little smug being so busy and in control as she stood there telling me that her house was a mess, that her kid doesn’t go to bed, that her husband can be an arse. And that’s pretty shitty when you think about it. I didn’t mean to, she’s a dear friend who I admire, but subconsciously I was proving how adept I am at parenting, at running a house, at being on top of things. Which is both totally unfair and totally untrue!! It was my insecurities coming out and my cut-throat need to ‘win’ rearing its ugly head. Urgh! The shame!
Maybe another new year’s resolution should be to just be a bit more honest, with myself and with others. And also, to get my arse into gear and load the dishwasher before husband gets home!

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