21 January 2015

How is this possible?

It only seems like yesterday that I was leaning over the coffee table cursing my husband and now our second son is 6 months old. And it only feels like last week that I was begging someone for pethidine (don’t know why I bothered, totally useless!) and now I’ve received a letter about choosing a school for our eldest. 

I knew it was coming but it has sent me into a flat spin. All of a sudden I am weeping into his hair when he looks at me in a certain way, stroking his baby fine curls while he sleeps and wailing over the trousers that just keep getting longer and longer.
Unfortunately, my emotionally driven tendency to overthink things, question every tiny parenting decision for days, angst endlessly over decisions made…makes everything a bit draining and bit dramatic. This, combined with my experience on the frontline (Y1 can feel like the Somme some Wednesday afternoons!) means that I’m probably expending far too much energy and thought on something which should be a straightforward decision. Indeed, my husband has voted with his wallet (not convinced by prep, any state option will do!) and 2 girlfriends I have recently wept on have looked at me like I am insane and announced that they’re sending their child to the nearest option and the school that wears navy, not red!
I know that this easy, lighthearted, relaxed approach doesn’t make them any less of a loving mother than me. In fact, many might argue that their children are significantly better off!!
I just have so many questions and so many fears. And every single provider has a list of pros and a list of cons. I worry that my internal monologue of questions and angst is going to drown out my maternal gut instinct.
And as we all know, that knows best. I shall have to still my mind and follow my heart when it comes to crunch time. And say some prayers. And pay some bribes….!!

No comments:

Post a Comment